


pose

by squirrelhan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Drag Queens, Everyone Is Gay, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Hyunjin is a bitch towards Jisung in the beginning I'm sorry, Hyunjin is a drag queen!, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Smoking, Stiletto Heels, Transgender Felix but he's too broke to pay for hormones this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 10:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squirrelhan/pseuds/squirrelhan
Summary: "shoulders back, hips forward,, pose".New York, 1989Jisung thinks that his life is completely ruined after being disowned by his family for being gay. But then, he is introduced to the underground gay culture of New York. He learns to enjoy his life again and makes a lot of friends who are sharing the same fate.Oh, and a very handsome boy named Lee Minho.(a stray kids 80s au no one asked for to celebrate pride month)





	pose

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!!  
> first of all, happy pride month WOO!!  
> this au takes place in the late eighties. i tried my best to write the atmosphere from this era. you can read this without knowing anything about the ball culture. everything will be explained in the story itself. this story was inspired by rupaul's drag race, pose and paris is burning. 
> 
> a little disclaimer, this is the first time i wrote a fic that's over 7k words and english is not my first language, so i can assure you that there will be some grammar mistakes in my stories... i hope that doesn't bother you, i'm really trying my best to improve my english grammar! i hope you enjoy this fic uwu
> 
> here is a little list of songs that really inspired me to keep writing! (writing this au got me obsessed with madonna)  
> in my house - mary jane girls  
> holiday - madonna  
> groove is in the heart - deee-lite  
> vogue - madonna  
> causing a commotion - madonna  
> you make me feel (mighty real) - sylvester  
> supermodel (you better work) - rupaul

New York, 1989

 

There he is.

With a backpack on his back filled with a blanket, a little amount of pocket money and a bottle of water. He is wearing a jacket that is way too thin for the cold days in April.

Jisung is walking past stores he used to visit with his mom. A sigh is leaving his lips. His mom.

She loved to go shopping with her son. Jisung loved shopping too. He loved trying on new clothes and his mom would buy him all the things he wanted. His family was pretty rich and he had a big house in the suburbs.

"Oh, I'm so happy you love shopping as much as I do!" Jisung's mother would say, squishing his cheeks and buying him an extra-large bucket of fried chicken.

But his mom doesn't think about her son like that anymore. And all because of one reason. Jisung is gay. And that's exactly why he's walking through the streets of New York right now. He is kicked out of his own home. Disowned by his own parents.

He feels heartbroken, horrible, alone and his cheek hurts. His father had slapped his cheek before he slammed the door shut. But nothing hurts more than Jisung's heart at the moment.

He knew his parents weren't that supportive of the gay community. But Jisung thought they'd still love him after he came out. But apparently, he was wrong. Very wrong. The words from his father still ringed in his ears.

_You are a burden. A sin. You are not our son anymore. You are a disgrace to the entire Han family._

He shakes his head when he feels fat tears roll down his cheeks. He's not going to cry right now. Not here on the street.

Jisung walks further and further and he heard his stomach growl. He groans.

Food. Of course. He needs to buy food.

He sits down on a bench in the middle of a park and counts the amount of money in his bag. 15 dollars.

Okay, so if he'd buy a cheap bread for 2 dollars, he would be able to survive for a very long time. And he could refill his water bottle at the sinks in public restrooms, so that wouldn't be a problem.

Jisung ends up buying a cheap bread for 1,5 dollars. Even better. He had also refilled his bottle with fresh water at the restroom of a KFC restaurant. But it is starting to get dark and he needs to find a place to sleep. He avoids the park because he knew there were only scary people out there at this hour. Eventually, he finds a bridge by the river.

He flops down into the damp grass and shivers in the cold wind. He takes a sip of his water in silence and sighs. It is a full moon and the bright moonlight illuminates the water. He hears cars driving on the bridge above him.

Jisung is staring at the river. His mind and body are feeling numb, but he isn't tired...

He sighs and decides to lay down. He guessed it was around 2 AM when he was starting to get tired. He grabs his blanket, wraps his arms around his backpack and falls asleep with the aching pain of being disowned by his own family.

_Is this my life now?_

\--

Jisung wakes up from the sound of birds in the trees above him. He rubs his eyes and comes up. He has a headache. He eats half of one slice of his bread. He wants to leave the other half for lunch.

He shivers, it is still really cold. He decides it is better to walk around a bit. He puts the bread in his bag and walks into the park. Homeless people are sleeping on the benches. Jisung swallows. 

He used to look at them with pity. His mother then grabbed him and smiled at him. "They are not our people," she would say when they returned home.

Jisung never expected to become homeless. To become one of those people.

He shuffles through the streets. His water bottle is almost empty and he really wants to wash his face. He finds a Mac Donald's restaurant and goes straight to the restroom. Jisung raises his head and is met by his own reflection in the mirror.

He looks bad. Very bad. His eyes look sad and swollen, thick eye bags adorn the skin underneath them. The rest of his face is pale.

Jisung looks down, not wanting to look at himself anymore. He refills his bottle and splashes water in his face.

"What are you doing here?"

He is startled when he hears a loud voice. He turns around and is met by the angry face of a man. It's probably the manager of the restaurant. "I-I was just-" "Washing your face? This is a restaurant, we don't take care of homeless people. Now, get out," the manager screams at him and points at the door.

"But-" "No, you heard me! Get out!"

Jisung grabs his bag and runs away. He feels like crying. He can't hold back his tears anymore when he walks through the park. He plops on a bench and buries his head in his hands. He doesn't care what people think of him now. Nothing matters to him right now. He feels terrible.

Although...

Jisung looks around when he hears familiar music. It sounds like... Madonna?

\--

_Jisung's heart was beating in his throat when he fastened the buckle to his ankle. He carefully stood up. His legs were shaking. He shook his head. Why was he stressing so much? They were just heels._

_Just. A pair of. Red. Stiletto heels._

_He took a step. And another one. A giggle left his lips when he realized that he was actually quite good at it. He walked to his radio and put in a CD that he had bought on the market last week. A CD from Madonna._

_Jisung loved Madonna so much. He loved to dance to her music. This way he felt really free and he didn't have to pretend to be this kind, heterosexual boy who loved going to church. Because he was anything but that._

_'Holiday' came on first and Jisung smiled. It was his favorite song. He looked at himself in the mirror and he felt a spark of excitement in his stomach. He walked around his room, twirled and danced. He was so happy. He really was his most authentic self right now._

_"Jisung, we're home!"_

_As quickly as possible, Jisung turned the music off. He kicked the heels under his bed and sat down on his bed. His mother came into his room. "Yes, mother?" he asked when she suspiciously looked around._

_"Why were you listening to music that hard again? What are you doing in your room?" his mother asked. "N-nothing, I was just listening to music", Jisung said and smiled. He felt his ears turn red. From that day on, he promised to himself that he would never dance on heels in his room again. Just for his own safety. This was something his parents really can't find out about._

\--

He didn't even realize that he had followed the music and ended up at the pier. There is a group of people standing next to a large sign.

"WALKING IN HEELS COMPETITION. WINNER GETS $50 AND A PAIR OF HEELS OF YOUR OWN CHOICE"

"Hey, kid, interested in the competition?"

Frightened, Jisung looks up. A boy is standing in front of him. And oh my god, he is so handsome. Jisung gazes at his face. He has beautiful eyes that seem to glisten in the morning sun. Jisung feels his face turn red. 'Err...' he mumbles and scratches his ear. The boy smiles and Jisung feels his heart doing serious backflips.

_Oh my god. Please._

"Don't be scared. Pick a pair of heels. But pick wisely because if you win, you're allowed to take the heels home with you".

Jisung uncomfortably looks away. Home. He no longer has a home.

He thinks about it for a moment. Winning 50 dollars and a pair of heels would be amazing. "Okay", Jisung says and smiles, "I'm in". He walks to the place where the heels were and chooses a red pair.

"They're high. You have nerves", the boy says and winks at him. Jisung smiles shyly and puts the heels on. There are some other people who are participating. Jisung stands behind them.

The boy he had already met apparently also participates. "I've never done this before", Jisung whispers. "Don't be afraid. Just listen to music and walk. Turn around a bit and pose. It's that simple", he says.

_Yes, when you say it that way it sounds simple..._

The music starts again. Jisung is the third in the line. He feels his legs shake and the flashback he had earlier suddenly comes back. He smiles. He is going to act like he's standing in his room, in front of his mirror.

Jisung secretly checks what the others were doing and goes for it. He walks, twirls and poses just like he would do in his own room. The only place where he felt safe to be his most authentic self. The people around him start cheering.

_Ohmygod, these are my people. I feel so safe._

Full of self-confidence, he walks back. This feels amazing. Maybe even better than dancing to Madonna in his own room. "You were so good", the boy whispers in his ear. Jisung blushes. "T-thank you", he giggles and waits until everyone is done.

"And the winner of this competition is... the pretty boy in the red heels!"

Jisung's eyes widen. He won... he won the competition! "D-did I win?" he asks. Everyone starts laughing and nods. "Come over here to claim your prize!"

Jisung almost runs to the person that organized the competition. He grabs the money and laughs shyly when everyone claps.

"You should come and hang with us often, you seem like a very nice guy", the boy with the beautiful eyes says and smiles again. "I-I will. But I have to go home now. I'm tired", Jisung says, trying to hide the fact that there are tears in his eyes. He quickly puts the money in his bag and walks away.

_Home. I wished I still had a home._

He missed the warm, cozy feeling of the fireplace when it was cold. The delicious scent of his mothers cooking. He even missed the painful comments from his dad. He even missed school.

Jisung spends the rest of the day under the bridge since it started raining. He stares at the grey, depressing sky and how the raindrops fall from the sky on the grass and in the water before him.

_The weather really reflects my mood._

Jisung doesn't even know if he is sad. He just feels numb right now. Like his brain is filled with cement that's slowly starting to harden. He is dizzy and can't think properly anymore.

He lays down, his face pressed against the cold tiles. He wraps his arms around his backpack and closes his eyes. It doesn't take long before he falls asleep.

\--

The following weeks are a mess. Jisung spends most of his time at the pier. He enjoyed it, dancing to random songs and having fun with people who're sharing the same fate as him.

Even though Jisung really loves the people he hangs out with he doesn't see them as friends. He just likes to numb the pain in his heart with laughing and talking.

He would often buy a bottle of liquor and down it under the stars. The feeling of getting drunk makes him feel better. It makes him totally forget how miserable his life has become in such a short amount of time.

Today was just a regular day. Jisung had just bought another bottle of liquor when he met one of the people he talked to on the pier. It was a girl named Lisa. She had told Jisung that was transgender. "Hey, Jisung, how are you doing?" she says and runs towards him.

"The usual shit", Jisung shrugs and pulls off a fake smile. Lisa takes a quick glance at the bottle in Jisung's hand and sighs. "Don't tell me you're about to drink until you're totally wasted", she begs and grabs Jisung's hand, but he turns around.

"Yes, I am. And don't tell me what to do, I'm not a baby anymore", he snarls. "Jisung, this is not healthy. Is this how you want to spend the money you won?" Lisa asks. She's clearly trying to convince Jisung, but he shakes his head. "Just- just leave me alone. I need this".

Jisung turns around and walks away. But he is stopped by a very unpleasant surprise when he arrives at a dark alley. A homeless, middle-aged man who pushes him onto the ground.

"Give me the bottle", the man groans and pins Jisung's wrists against the floor. He snatches the bottle. Jisung tries to do anything, but the man is too strong. He is pinned down on the cold tiles.

"You're so young. So beautiful. What are you doing out here on your own?" the man grins and his hands move to Jisung's pants.

_No. No. This is not happening._

"Hey! Leave him alone!"

A voice fills the darkness. The man turns around. He quickly grabs the bottle and runs away. Jisung sits straight up. His mind feels foggy.

The boy who the voice belongs to walks to him, but Jisung doesn't feel like talking to somebody right now. He quickly gets up and starts running, tears are streaming down his face.

He runs until he arrives at the bridge where he slept the last days. He shivers, he feels so dirty. It feels like the hands of the man are tattooed on his body. He stares at the river. It is cold. What if-

Slowly, he walks down to the water. He startles when he feels a hand around his wrist. He turns around.

_It's the boy from the pier. The boy with pretty eyes._

"H-hey, I saw everything happening. Are you okay?" he asks. Jisung swallows. The boy turns around and sees Jisung's blanket laying under the bridge. He looks at Jisung again. "Don't tell me you've been sleeping here the past weeks", he says. Jisung bites his lip, tears fill his eyes again.

"I- I have. I'm so sorry. I don't have a home. I'm homeless", Jisung says, the words hurt even more when they roll over his lips. He looks away when the tears rolled down his cheeks again. "Oh come here", the boy says and grabs Jisung's shoulders. He hugs him. Jisung cries in his shoulder.

"You can hate me if you want, I'm just a filthy homeless boy", he sobs, purging himself away from the guy. But he shakes his head. "No. I know how you're feeling, I've been through the same shit. Your parents disowned you for- for being gay, right?" he asks. Jisung nods. He feels so vulnerable right now.

"How did you, I mean- you don't look like you sleep on the streets", Jisung asks quietly. The boy smiles. 'Let's not get ahead of us. I want to take you to a special place first. My name is Minho, by the way,' he says. Jisung looks at him.

_Minho. That name fits your precious face._

"I'm Jisung", he says, a shy smile appears on his face. "Okay Jisung, leave your blanket behind, you don't need it anymore. Let's have some fun", Minho says and grabs Jisung's wrist. He takes Jisung back to the city. They stop in front of a large building. "What is this?" Jisung asks confusedly. Minho laughs. "The place to be", he says and opens the door. Jisung is met with the sound of loud disco music. He looks around.

_Where am I?_

"Come on. We'll take the staircase over here", Minho says and they walk upstairs. They arrive at the tribune. Jisung looks at the dancefloor down him. 'Welcome to the ball,' Minho says and wraps his arm around Jisung.

_Stop touching me, my heart is racing._

"The... ball?" Jisung asks. Minho laughs. "You're cute. An innocent gay boy. The ball is where we, queer people, can be who we are. A ball is basically a place where we hold parties, dance competitions, fashion shows with different categories... a lot. I wish more queer people know about this place. It's really healing to sit here and have fun when you're feeling depressed or lonely," Minho explains. Jisung looks at him in awe. He wants to ask something, but he's interrupted by a loud voice that's barging through the speakers.

"The category is... Butch Queen Up In Pumps!"

"What does that mean?" Jisung asks. "The category of the fashion show", Minho explains. Jisung nods and looks at the people who are walking on extremely high heels. "I wish I could compete", he sighs. "You were pretty good at walking in heels at the pier. You should slay this category", Minho laughs and Jisung blushes. "Thank you", he says.

Minho is right. This place totally makes you forget your problems.

Jisung had an amazing night after a long time (he even drank some vodka with Minho). "So, I'm not going to let you sleep under that bridge again tonight. Do you want to join our house?" Minho asks when the ball is over. They walk down the staircase. "A house?" Jisung asks.

Minho laughs. "I forgot you know nothing about the underground gay scéne. A house is a place where homeless queer people can live. The houses are ruled by a mother. It doesn't have to be a woman, by the way. There are a lot of houses and they all compete on the balls. Our house is named the House of Stay. Come, I'll show you", Minho says and walks away. Jisung follows him.

They arrive at an apartment. Minho presses the doorbell and the door opens. A black-haired guy is standing in the doorway. "Minho, who's this?" he asks. "I've found an adorable gay boy who'd like to join our house", Minho says and pushes Jisung to the guy. 'H-hi, I'm Jisung,' Jisung says shyly. "Hi, my name is Changbin. Come in", Changbin says and takes a step back to let Jisung into the house.

"Channie hyung isn't here yet, by the way", Changbin says and turns on the lights in the living room. "How many people are living here?" Jisung asks. "Eight, but now that you're here, nine. Oh, I'll give you a tour around the house. As you can see, this is the living room. The kitchen is over there and here are the bedrooms. The others are in the basement I think", Changbin says and opens a door.

"The basement?" Jisung asks. "Yes. We turned the basement into a paradise. I'll show you", Changbin says and they walk down the stairs leading to the basement.

Changbin is right. The basement is literally a paradise.

There is a dance floor, makeup stations and something that looks like a clothing atelier. 'Wow...' Jisung mumbles while looking at everything.

"It's time to meet everyone!! This is Hyunjin. He is a drag queen", Changbin says and wraps his arm around a long, black-haired guy. "A drag queen? What's that?" Jisung asks and Hyunijn chuckles. "Do you live under a stone?" Hyunjin hisses and looks at Jisung with a judging look.

"Hey, calm down. Jisung lived in the suburbs with his very religious family. He knows nothing about gay culture", Minho suddenly says and places his hand on Jisung's shoulder.

"The suburbs?!"

Everyone turns around when they hear another voice. A brown-haired boy runs down the stairs. "I lived there too! What is your name? My name is Seungmin! Nice to meet you!" he yells and shakes Jisung's hand. "I'm Jisung", Jisung replies.

"But for real. What is a drag queen?" he asks. Hyunjin turns his nose up and walks away. "A drag queen is a man who dresses like the opposite sex", Changbin explains. Jisung nods slowly, his mouth forming an 'o' shape. "Is he transgender?" he asks. Seungmin shakes his head. "No, he's not. I know it's confusing, but you'll understand everything later", another boy says. He has blonde hair.

"Oh, this is Felix. My boyfriend", Changbin says and smiles. Felix laughs and nods. "I'm a dancer. I LOVE dancing in heels", Felix says. Jisung's eyes widen. "Me too! At least, I love heels. I'm not a great dancer or something like that", he says. Felix smiles at him. "I'm sure you'll be the star at the ball next time".

"I-I don't know if I can do that-" "Minho told me about you. You danced on the pier. I can't wait to teach you some dance moves", Felix winks. Jisung blushes and turns his head away.

"That is Woojin. He makes wigs. The other blond-haired guy over there is Jeongin, he is learning to make wigs. Seungmin and I create outfits for the balls and Chan, the mother of our house, works as a makeup artist in the city", Changbin explains. Jisung nods. He is so excited to be a part of this house.

"And you, Minho? What do you do?" he turns around. "Well, since the jury thinks I'm the best-looking person in this house, I compete in beauty competitions and I wear the clothes Changbin and Seungmin make. That's about it", Minho smiles.

_Yeah, they're right. You are the best-looking person._

"Listen, I'm going to sleep. I can show Jisung his room", Felix says. Changbin nods. "That sounds like a good idea", he says. Felix grabs Jisung's wrist and brings him to the bedrooms. "You're my roommate. Are you okay with that?" Felix asks. Jisung shrugs. "Why not", he says and plops on a mattress.

"I really need to smoke", Felix groans and reaches for a pack of cigarettes. "You want one too?" he asks and looks at Jisung. He swallowed.

His mother used to smoke. A lot. Jisung loved the scent of cigarettes since he literally grew up in it. He was always curious how a cigarette would taste, but his mother never let him try one. "It's bad for you. I want you to stay healthy", she would say and kiss Jisung's head.

"I'd love to", he says and Felix hands him a cigarette and a lighter. Jisung awkwardly lights the cigarette and looks at Felix. The blonde-haired boy agile takes a sip and blows the smoke into the air. "Do you... miss your family?" he asks, trying to copy Felix's movements. He takes a suck and coughs hard. Tears appear in his eyes. Felix grins. "First time?" he asks. Jisung quickly nods and coughs again. It feels like his lungs are  _burning_.

"But I miss my family too. I was born in Australia and moved to America when I was 7. I was kicked out at the age of 14 and lived on the streets for 3 years. Then, I joined this house", Felix says. "Fourteen? That's young", Jisung mumbles. He blows the smoke in the air, proud of himself for taking a suck of the cigarette without coughing up a lung.

"I know. I've always been, very feminine. I was starting to realize that I was different when I was 12. I still don't know if I'm just a very feminine gay boy or trans", Felix says. He is staring at the dark sky through the window.

"What makes you think you're trans?" Jisung asks. Felix shrugs. "It's confusing. I never felt like I should be born as a man. I hate my body so much. Chan described it as body dysmorphia. I hate myself and I'd love to look feminine. To look like how I'm feeling from the inside. But I'm too broke to pay for hormones", Felix answers. He throws the cigarette out of the window and then turns around.

"I'm so sorry", Jisung pouts. "It's okay. That's life. We're not fucking white privileged people", Felix says. He sighs. Jisung bits his bottom lip until he tasted blood. 'Your lip is bleeding", Felix points out. 'I know. I was thinking", Jisung says quietly. Felix shakes his head.

"Don't worry about me too much. I'm okay. Dancing helps. Dancing makes me feel free", he says. A smile paints his sad face. "Same for me", Jisung says. They both turn around when the door suddenly opens.

"Felix sweetie, stop turning my babies into nicotine addicts!" a black-haired boy laughs and walks into the room.

"Jisung, this is Chan. The mother of our house", Felix says with a smile. "Hi, Jisung. Gosh, I really need a cigarette. I'm so tired", Chan groans and plops on Jisung's mattress. Felix chuckles and hands him a cigarette.

"So, you are the new baby in our house. Welcome. I'm Chan. I think the others already introduced you to everyone here, right?" Chan asks. Jisung nods with a smile. "Yes. They're all really kind", he says. Chan laughs when he sees how Jisung takes another suck from his cigarette. "Oh god, you're smoking like a freshman. Let mama help you", Chan says and shows Jisung how he should hold the cigarette.

"Thank you", Jisung says. There is a moment of silence between the three people. "The reason why I made this house is because we, queer Asians, are left out. There aren't many houses that let us in. The balls are mainly ruled by black people or Latinos. And I really want to change that. I'm going to show everyone that a house made up solely of Asians can also win prizes. If you need anything, just come to mama. I'll help you. You are safe here", Chan grabs Jisung's hand. Tears appear in Jisung's eyes. He tries to blink his tears away, why is he getting emotional?

"It's okay to cry. You've been through a lot. We are here for you", Chan says and squishes Jisung's cheeks. "I-I'm sorry. It's hard", he sighs. Felix nods. "You'll get through it buddy", he says and hugs Jisung.

\--

It is a week later. Sleeping is hard for Jisung, especially after everything that happened. He feels less depressed than how he felt on the streets, but the feeling of his head is filled with cement isn't gone yet.

Jisung doubts if it will go away.

But the other guys have been extremely supportive towards Jisung. Especially Minho, Chan, and Felix. Instead of directly making Jisung ready for the balls, they let the boy settle in in this totally new environment. Jisung had spent the week visiting balls with Felix, Changbin, Minho and Chan.

Jisung throws his towel on the bed. He just showered. He frowns when he doesn't see Felix laying in his bed. Then he realizes the open window. He walks up to the window and sees Felix sitting on the roof. He is smoking.

"What are you doing there?" Jisung asks. Felix looks up and beckons him. "Come and I'll explain", he says. Jisung climbs out of the window and takes a seat next to Felix. He feels the wind blowing through his hair.

"I love to sit here and smoke when I want to think about things", Felix whispers, staring at the dark sky. "I understand why", Jisung smiles.

"Can I have a cigarette?"

Felix chuckles. "I'm sorry for your nicotine addiction, it's my fault", he says. Jisung shrugs. "After losing my family I don't really care anymore. I can die from smoking too instead of dying from sadness", Jisung lights his cigarette.

"How are you, Jisung?" Felix asks. "I'm fine", Jisung says but Felix shakes his head. "Don't lie to me. How are you?", he asks again. Jisung sighs. "Okay, fine. I'll tell the truth".

"Do you ever feel like there's a shitload of cement in your head that's slowly starting to harden until it comes to the point that you can't think anymore?" Jisung asks. Felix nods. "Yes. All the time. Body dysmorphia makes me tired. And I know what helps. Come on", he grabs Jisung's hand and they climb back inside.

'"Do you know how to vogue?" Felix asks when they arrive in the basement. He turns the lights on. Jisung shakes his head. "What is vogue?" he asks confused.

Felix smiles. "Sit and I'll show you", he walks to a closet in the corner of the room. He grabs a record and turns around. "Do you know Diana Ross?" Felix asks. "Hell yes", Jisung laughs and sits down on the floor.

Felix places the record in the record player and turns the speakers on. The music starts and Felix starts dancing on his bare feet. Jisung's mouth falls open.

He is totally impressed. The way Felix dances is just amazing.

"Can you learn me that?" Jisung jumps up when Felix stops dancing. He claps in his hands. Felix turns the music off and laughs brightly. "Of course. But let's put on a pair of heels first, I feel more confident wearing heels", Felix says and smiles. They start dancing. Jisung is having a great time. After 30 minutes, they take a break to drink some water.

"Chan is going to kill us when he finds out we're dancing at 3 AM", Jisung laughs, taking a quick glance at the time.

Felix shrugs. "I don't care. We're having fun. Hey, I'm competing in a ball tomorrow. Do you want to come and support me?' he asks. 'Can I compete too? I really want to try it", Jisung asks, playing with his fingersnails. "Are you sure? Don't you think you should practice a little bit more?" Felix doubts, but Jisung quickly shakes his head.

"No. I'm ready. I really want to do this. Please, Felix, please?" he begs, fluttering his eyelashes. Felix starts laughing. 'Okay, okay. You can compete in the dancing competition for starters", he says. "Yay!! Thank you thank you thank you!!" Jisung hugs Felix tightly. "No problem. I can't wait to see you slay", Felix smiles.

\--

"Are you nervous?"

Minho wraps his arm around Jisung. The younger boy nods. He is shaking. Minho pokes Jisung's cheek. "I know you can do it. You're a star", he whispers, Jisung's cheeks redden. "Thank you", he giggles.

"I have to walk now. Good luck", Minho says and fixes his hair in the mirror. He waves and walks to the stage. Jisung hears the presenter shout the category of the runway.

"The category is, face! Face! Face!"

Jisung tries to see something, he feels his heart race when Minho walks to the judges. He looks absolutely  _stunning_. He doesn't even realize that he's staring until Felix pokes his cheek.

"Looks like somebody is whipped..." Felix whispers. Jisung quickly shakes his head. "No, I'm not! I-" "Sweetheart, stop being in denial. I've seen you staring at Minho a couple of times before. Everyone knows it already", Felix winks. Jisung wants to say something, but then he hears the presenter announcing a new category. His category.

"The category is, Virgin Runway Up In Pumps!"

Felix pats his shoulder. "You can do this. Good luck", he whispers and winks. Jisung nods, trying to ignore the adrenaline that's rushing through his veins. He steps onto the runway and as soon as the lights hit his face, it feels like he's at home.

"Oh my, we have someone making their debut today, give it up for Jisung from the House of Stay!"

_It feels good to hear them say my name._

Jisung is feeling extremely confident. He is walking on extremely high heels, he poses and pulls out some tricks Felix had quickly learned him the night before. He feels everyone looking at him in awe and he  _knows_  he looks amazing.

"Judges, the scores please", the presenter says and Jisung turns towards the judges. They raise the boards with the numbers on it. 10. Another 10. Another 10. And a 9.

"Congratulations my dear, you've won! Come and claim your trophy!"

Jisung laughs. He feels amazing. He walks to the judges and they give him his trophy. It is small, but Jisung doesn't care. This really feels like the start of something new.

He sees the rest of his friends cheer for him when he turns around. He walks up to them, Chan is the first one to hug him tight. "I'm so proud! You're making mama so proud!" he shouts and squishes Jisung's cheeks. Hyunjin glances jealously at Jisung, he can see it in the corner of his eyes. He grins.

Just right. He's going to show Hyunjin that he's not talentless.

Felix and Hyunjin have to walk in the next category. They both don't win a trophy, unfortunately. "It's okay. I can try again", Felix says when Jisung hugs him. "How can you think like that? I want to win every ball!" Hyunjin says, knitting his eyebrows together. "Failing helps you to improve your skills", Jisung bites back. "I don't have to learn anything. I'm a legend", Hyunjin snorts, turning his nose up. Jisung smirks. "Your makeup says otherwise".

"Did he just read him?" Changbin laughs. "Yes, he did! The shade!" Seungmin claps in his hands. "W-what did I do? Read him?" Jisung asks confused. "Something like dissing", Woojin explains. The presenter says something important and Woojin turns around. 

"Since Valentine's Day is next week, there will be a special ball! The category is, a mix of everything! Contestants have to come up with choreography to impress the judges and make a sickening outfit! You will compete in pairs and remember, we have to feel that Valentine vibe from you! Every house can send two pairs. The winning house will receive a prize of 500.000 dollars. Good luck!"

"That's a lot of money... Shall we compete?" Chan asks. "Why not", Woojin replies and shrugs. "Which couples are we going to send?" Changbin looks around. "Definitely you and Felix, and..." 

"Minho and Jisung!" Felix shouts.

"No-" Jisung protests, but Chan nods. "Seems like a good idea. You guys do have that connection together", he says. "Okay", Minho suddenly says, wrapping his arm around Jisung. Felix chuckles and winks at Jisung.

_Well, here we go._

\--

It is 3 days later. Jisung walks into the basement after dinner, he had agreed with Felix to perfect the choreography. Minho and Changbin would come later.

"Where's Felix?" Jisung asks Chan. He looks around the room, but he only sees Hyunjin, who's sitting on the couch. "Felix was doing something at the mall. At least, that's what he told me. He promised me to be home 10 PM", Chan replies. Jisung's eyes widen. "B-but who's going to help me with my dance routine then?"

Chan points at Hyunjin. "I asked Hyunjin to help you. You guys are gonna be okay together, right?" he asks. Jisung and Hyunjin glance at each other. "Yes. I'll be a very good teacher to this rookie right here", Hyunjin stands up and wraps his arms around Jisung's waist. Jisung rolls with his eyes.

_Yeah. Of course._

"Okay! Well, good luck, I'll see you guys later!" With those words, Chan leaves the room. Hyunjin turns to Jisung, the smile on his face is gone. "Listen, dickhead. I don't like you. I'm only doing this because our mama asked me to. If we do this soon, you'll be rid of me in no time", Hyunjin snarls. "Don't you dare to call me a dickhead while your face looks like that", Jisung snaps back, crossing his arms. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "Whatever".

He sits back on the couch. "Put on some music and show me your dance routine".

Jisung grabs the heels he had bought with Chan a couple of days ago and put them on. He staggered, they were even higher than his first pair of heels. He puts on the music he and Minho had chosen for their part. Swept Away by Diana Ross.

He sighs and walks up to the front when the music begins. He doesn't even start voguing or Hyunjin is already getting up. "Oh my god, your walk! Terrible! You look like a giraffe who just came out of the womb! Stop the music!"

An irritated sigh leaves Jisung's lips. "The judges loved my walk last week!" he yells. "The judges are delusional! They only gave you tens because it was your debut!" Hyunjin yells back. "Fuck off", Jisung groans and turns around.

"Just listen to me, for God's sake. I want to see you walk", Hyunjin says. Jisung starts walking again. "I see what your problem is. Move your hips more. You have an ass, don't be scared to show it off. That doesn't make you a hoe", Hyunjin demonstrates Jisung how he should walk. While Hyunjin seems to be satisfied, Jisung feels like he's really walking like a giraffe this time.

"Yes, that's it. Listen to your teacher. Here we go again! Walk, walk, pose, face-"

Jisung's entire body is shaking. Normally he is so good at this, but everything feels weird and different when he's practicing with Hyunjin. Felix is much nicer to him and doesn't read him to filth the whole time.

"Oh my god! No, please!" Hyunjin throws his hands in the air when Jisung trips over his own feet and falls. He ends up on the ground with a loud thud, his ankle hurts.

"You're not going to win a trophy if you dance like that. I don't think you're ready for this. You have no talent," Hyunjin snarls. Jisung swallows, he feels attacked by the tall guy in heels.

"I've won a trophy. You don't", Jisung bites back. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "That trophy was just luck. You really have to step your pussy up if you want to win more trophies".

Jisung wants to say something, but no sound is leaving his throat. Hyunjin chuckles. "See? You don't even have the guts to say something back!" he turns around to turn the music off. The joyful music and the happy voice from Diana Ross are replaced by a painful silence.

"Why can't we just be friends? I don't know why you hate me so much," Jisung says with pleated eyes, but Hyunjin shakes his head. "I have one friend. That's enough", he says and takes his heels off.

"Wait, who is your friend then?" Jisung asks. Hyunjin chuckles. "Do you want to know her name? Her name is fashion", he says. He walks to the stairs and slams the door shut, leaving Jisung alone in the room.

The poor boy buries his head in his hands. He feels miserable. He already knew that dancing with Hyunjin would end in a nightmare. A tear rolls down his cheek. The words Hyunjin said still linger in his ears.

_Is it true? Do I have no talent?_

"Jisung?"

That sounds like Minho. Jisung turns around, Minho walks up to him. He has a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?" he asks. Jisung bites his bottom lip and shakes his head. "Is it true?" he asks, more tears rolling down cheeks, "I have no talent, haven't I?"

Minho shakes his head. "Who said that to you?" he asks, wrapping his arms around Jisung. The poor boy can't hold his tears anymore and his soft sobs turn into loud crying. "H-Hyunjin", Jisung cries, resting his head on the elder's shoulder when Minho hugs him tightly.

"What did he say?" Minho asks. "That I'm like, shit. He told me winning that trophy was just luck because it was my debut. He hated my walk, he said that I looked like a giraffe", Jisung sobs.

"Ssh... don't listen to that airhead. Welcome on another episode of Hwang Hyunjin talking shit. He thinks he's everything, with his questionable makeup skills. You can see his hairline when he's wearing one of his ugly ass wigs", Minho shushes and Jisung giggles. He doesn't really know how to explain it, but he feels warm in Minho's arms. Safe.

"Am I that funny?" Minho asks when he hears Jisung laugh. Jisung nods and comes back up. "Thanks for making me happy", he says, a shy smile appearing on his face. Minho shrugs. "You deserve the world". Jisung blushes. He looks at his hands in his lap, not wanting to show Minho how red his cheeks are. 

"You don't have to hide it, I can see that you're blushing".

Jisung looks up. Minho smiles at him and puts his finger under Jisung's chin so that Jisung can only look the elder in his eyes.

"I think Chan was right", Minho starts, "We really do have that connection".

Before Jisung knows it, Minho puts his lips on his. His eyes are getting big, Minho places his hands on Jisung's hips. He smells Minho's pleasant perfume and butterflies shoot through his stomach. He is  _so in love_. 

Slowly, Minho pulls back. "I've liked you since the moment I saw you dancing on the pier", he says. Jisung's cheeks turn into an even darker shade of red. "Me too".

Minho giggles, squishing Jisung's cheek. "You are so cute. I want you to be mine. Wait, you are mine. From now on", he wraps his arms around Jisung again and kisses his cheek.

"Can we maybe rehearse our routine again? Let's make it extra spicy. I really want to win", Jisung asks. He winks. Minho starts laughing. "Of course. Now get up you lazy ass, let's dance".

\--

Jisung comes back to his room. He's met by a crying Felix. Changbin is sitting next to him, his arms are wrapped around the younger. "Hey, what's wrong?" Jisung asks, closing the door. 

"We're not competing in the Valentine's Day ball anymore", Changbin replies. Jisung's eyes widen. "Why? Felix, what happened?" he asks.

Felix sobs, wiping his tears. "I just fucking hate myself. I'm weak and I don't feel like walking this ball. I'm sorry", he cries. "But why? You've been so confident about our dance routines this week. What happened at the mall?" Jisung asks, confusedly. He doesn't understand why Felix is acting like this right now. 

"I-I went to the doctor today", he starts. "Wait, do you have-" "No, I don't have aids. I went to ask them about something different. I asked them how expensive it is. Hormones, the surgeries... everything. It was 300.000 dollars, Jisung. I can never afford that. It makes me so depressed, I just want to be myself!"

Jisung bit his lip, it hurt him to see Felix like this. 

"I cringe every time you guys call me 'Felix', every time someone says he or his, I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror and when I'm showering- I just feel like ripping my own skin off". Felix sobs. He buries his head in his hands and Changbin wraps his arms around him tighter. 

Suddenly, Jisung thought of something. The money they can win at the ball.

"I have an idea", he says excitedly, clapping in his hands. "I'm going to win the Valentine ball for you. So you can pay for the hormones and all the surgeries!"

Felix's eyes widen. He shakes his head. "No. You don't have to do that for me", he protests. Jisung walks up to Felix and wraps his arms around him. "I don't care. You are my friend and I hate it to see my friends struggling. I'm going to ask Minho if he agrees with me. I'll be right back", he says and runs away.

He's stopped on the hallway by Hyunjin. "What the fuck do you want?" Jisung snorts. "Jisung, I'm sorry. Can we please talk?" Hyunjin begs. Jisung looks at him and shrugs. "Whatever", he copies Hyunjin. The elder rolls his eyes. They walk to the kitchen, it's empty. 

"First of all, I'm sorry for being such a bitch towards you. I didn't realize it until I heard you cry like that. I was protecting my own anger on you and that was wrong", Hyunjin says. Jisung smiles. 

_The bitch finally apologized to me._

"Why are you angry then?" Jisung asks. "Well, this isn't the first house I joined. I originally joined a legendary house, but they discriminated me for being Asain. I wasn't happy. They kicked me out, eventually. I was homeless again until I found Chan. I'm so thankful to him. But it hurts that I let a group of people down by just being myself twice. That's why I'm such a bitch sometimes. I'm sorry", Hyunjin explains. He stares at his lap. 

"It's okay. I understand you", Jisung replies and nods. He stands up to give Hyunjin a hug. "I really didn't expect you to have a heart", he says and laughs when he sees a tear rolling down Hyunjin's cheek. "Stop reading me!" Hyunjin starts laughing. "You've read me so many times these weeks, it's my turn now!" Jisung yells and stands up. Hyunjin follows him, laughing. 

"You shady bitch!" 

\--

The following days fly by and before Jisung knows it, it's Valentine's Day. Everyone thought it was a great idea to give the money to Felix. "I want everyone in this house to be happy", Chan had said.

Changbin and Seungmin had made a nice outfit for him and Minho. They are now sitting in front of the makeup table, Woojin is doing their hair. 

"I'm so curious, hopefully, you'll win", Woojin says enthusiastically while he picks up another bus of hairspray. "Me too", Minho replies. He looks at Jisung and grabs his hand.

"That's it, you're ready! Chan is waiting for you in the kitchen, he is going to do your makeup", Woojin says and takes a step back. Jisung looks at himself in the mirror. Woojin has put semi-permanent hair color in his hair. The color is dark blue. It looks great on him.

"You look so good", Minho says in love and presses a butterfly kiss on Jisung's forehead. Jisung giggles and blushes. Woojin looks happy at the couple. 

They go right to the ball after Chan had finished their makeup. Jisung is starting to feel a bit nervous. Minho seems to notice it and grabs his hand. "We can do this. For Felix", he whispers against Jisung's lips. The younger nods and kisses Minho.

His nerves seemed to totally disappear when they step on the stage, just like the time before. The presenter introduces them. "Let the music play!" he yells and Jisung hears the song boom through the speakers. He's taking a deep breath.

I can do this. I can do this.

Their performance went great. Everything had worked out correctly. The audience cheered enthusiastically when the song ended. Jisung looked at Minho and kissed him. He could see Felix cheer in the corner of his eye. Someone who sounded like Hyunjin screamed "Yaass bitch!!".

"Judges, the scores please!" 

Minho grabs Jisung's hand tightly when the judges raise their boards. Ten. Another ten. Another ten. Ohmygod. Four tens. 

"Tens, tens, tens across the boards! Which means that The House of Stay automatically has won this ball! Congratulations!"

Jisung's eyes widen. Everyone cheers and he hugs Minho tightly. "We did it Jisung!" the elder says, kissing his boyfriend again. Felix runs up to them. "Thank you", he sobs. "Awhh, don't cry!" Minho starts laughing and they all hug each other. 

That was when Jisung realized his life hadn't become terrible. His life had only gotten better. This was exactly what had to be done. 

He was happy now. And free. 

**Author's Note:**

> i've proofread this for 239852930 times i hope i didn't miss any mistakes omg


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